I’m so down. I guess from the game. Indeed, from the lack of funds. Put my last $5 in the gas tank. Got a police clearance to go eat at St. Francis.  No satisfaction from Harmon and Shane. Shane’s money for beer. Harmon’s, God knows, his wife’s rent. But get me into his storage no can do. Pay the balance on the tickets I paid for him. NO. He’s a charity case actually as am I.  Can’t have anyone to the place I am given. Not that anybody ever would. I have been through that already. Nobody gives a shit about me. See, Ed, oh fuck that shit. He’ll just want money.  Well, I suppose that’s all they have to give. No charm, no fun.

Family. Mom used to say it, Fambilly. I’ve begun to say  it Fambully. New password at Maude’s I find very cute, “Don’t Ask.” That’s the feeling. That way they can talk about love and compassion until they’re blue in the face and EDDIE won’t ask. Don’t ask. Excellent.

Now I’ve finally come to a course on addiction. Oh, boy, does it suck. I was so destined to be a substance abuser and now of course I understand that I was. I even see the INTERVENTION. That’s where mom said I looked just like dad. Oh, that was keen. She never liked drugs. She grew up in prohibition did you know. Since I hated the old man I could never hold that against mom. It was totally tight to be that straight. Right on, mom. You was the straightest.

More on Addictions and Addictive Behavior. Oh, Lord look out for dependency. Lord, save me. Yeah, if you stand by the Lord you have a sure and true protective factor. If the family rock and rolled (haven’t seen this yet, but I’m sure it’s in there) then you have a risk factor. Trudge along, Mr. Bryan, at the end of this course comes your stipend. Less this time because you don’t have as far to go. Less and less and less and less. The Lesser Self.

My first module I have to write a 2-3 page paper on a girl developing a coffee habit, caffeine addiction. She is a white girl, 25, who moved away from home at 18 to get away from an alcoholic father. She has had a job as an administrative assistant with a construction company but she doesn’t like it and is going to school for a degree in criminology.  Unfortunately, she gets so tired from work and school that she can’t stay up long enough to get her school work done and so her roommate has been making her coffee late at night. She is drinking 3 and more cups a night. I have to point out her risk factors (at least 2) and her protective factors (also at least 2).  I see the risk factor as an alcoholic father. Oh, she also occassionally consumes alchohol and she smokes.  I also see her new coffee drinking habit as a risk factor. Protective factors are her independence, living on her own and her drive to succeed, that is going back to school.

I need to put that into 2 to 3 pages. Oh, I also have to note one more possible risk or protective factor that is not included in the case as it stands. 😦


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