I got out of my parent’s home for a short while when I was collecting SSI, Supplemental Security Income in the 80’s. It was lonely. I lived in a small place advertised as cabins out behind Butler Plaza. I visited Ashley’s Pub quite often. I don’t remember how long I was there but the SSI was my means. I took that for one year but didn’t show up for the renewal. I sometimes reflect on whether I needed more personal support. What people said was not doing for you was not helping you at all. A little talk about need. A little convincing of the need would have helped. Some people around to reaffirm the need and to enjoy my lack of need in having it, to be happy that Eddie had a little money to spend. I bought a Chaitanya-Charitamrita, a holy book of the Krsna devotees with that money. I don’t know why I gave up. I think about “in here” and “out there.” At home I was taught you couldn’t trust anybody “out there,” especially not the way you trusted people, “in here.”
Do you know what it is to be without people? Without peers, friends, acquaintances? I do. It is very painful, like a disease, actually.